


Murmurs

by sami_jo



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-05-14
Updated: 2010-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-09 10:50:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/86470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sami_jo/pseuds/sami_jo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tzofi Mahariel has been ripped from his life in the clan and thrust into the role of hero of Ferelden.</p><p>Thank you to Tellervo, Weyrleader and Jenovan for their feedback.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Murmurs in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Tzofi means scout, guard or protector.

Two wolves and one deer were strung from a large oak tree.  The hunters had put aside their weapons and the small animals had returned, realizing that the danger had passed. Birdsong all but drowned out the the quiet murmurs of the two hunters.

The trees stretched up out of sight towards the sky.  Bright sunlight was filtered through the leaves, giving everything an ethereal green hue.  The air was still: warm and heavy with the scent of moss and trees.  Sweat poured from the two hunters as they hung their catch.

“Come, lethallin.  It’s time for a break. We have done our share for the day.  Besides, I have something to show you.”  

“Tamlen, is this wise?  The last time we went on one of your adventures, the keeper nearly caught us and you had to make up that ridiculous story about us brawling.”

“Live a little, Tzofi.  Where is your sense of adventure?  Besides, no one can fault us for taking a break.  We have done our duty for the day.”

Tzofi couldn’t suppress a quiet chuckle at Tamlen’s antics.  “You stole my sense of adventure along with my favorite toy bow when we were toddlers.  Since then, I’ve had to be the voice of reason for us both.”

Tzofi crossed his arms and tried to look stern as Tamlen bounded off, looking over his shoulder with a smirk.  Tamlen knew he would follow.  He always did.

Tamlen disappeared through a thick stand of trees.  Tzofi follwed and nearly fell into a pool that had been completely hidden by the trees that formed a wall all the way around.  He turned to the sound of Tamlen’s snicker to see the other elf stripping out of his armor.

“I was hoping you would just step into it.”

“Like you did the other day?  That  is why you came back to camp soaking wet with that ridiculous story about sweaty halla, right?”  Tzofi couldn’t keep the laughter out of his voice.  It was impossible to be angry with Tamlen, or at least is was impossible for  him to be angry with Tamlen. 

“You are going to return to camp the same way if you don’t get out of that armor, lethallin.”  A very naked Tamlen caught Tzofi around the waist and whispered into his ear, “I don’t want to hear any arguments.  No one is looking for us.  We are not shirking our duties.  This place could not be more private.  We will hear anyone coming long before they see us and no one would fault us for cleaning up after a hunt.”

Tzofi swallowed hard.  Tamlen’s proximity was having its usual effect on him, but after too many close calls, he was wary.  “They would fault us for what we are really doing.”

“Do you want me to let you go?”  The edge in Tamlen’s voice forced Tzofi’s eyes to his face.  

“No.  Never.  That is why I...I...”

“That is why you worry.  That is why you always worry, my little bird.  Always watchful.  Always careful.   Do not waste what we have with worry. Vir lath sa'vunin ( we love one more day ).”  Tamlen kissed him gently. “Now, get out of that armor or I  will throw you in clothed.”

Tamlen let him go and dove into the pool in a fluid arc, and popped up to float lazily and leer at a blushing Tzofi as he removed his armor.  He dove in after Tamlen and found himself chasing his laughing lover around the pool.

Tzofi finally caught him and the wrestling match became an embrace.  Tzofi wrapped his legs around Tamlen’s waist, closed his eyes and savored the sensations.  Tamlen’s hands were tracing a line up and down his spine while his mouth moved along Tzofi’s neck.  The heat of their bodies contrasted with the cool water.  Tzofi buried his face in Tamlen’s neck, savoring the smell of his oldest friend and love.  

Sharp pain. The smell of death.  Flesh turned slick to the touch.  Tzofi opened his eyes to see his beloved transforming.

Tamlen called to him, reaching for him,  “Lethallin!”

But something was pulling him away and Tzofi could not reach him.

  
“Tzofi! Tzofi! Are you alright?”  Tzofi woke to Alistair peering worriedly at him. “Another nightmare?  It’s suppose to be worse for those who join during the blight, but you’re having these almost every night.”

Tzofi tried to shake it off, to stop the tears that were threatening to pour down his face.  It had been so real and he couldn’t shake the feeling that Tamlen was still out there, waiting for him to save him.  He had failed his love, failed to protect him.  

With his last reserves of self control he managed a cold, “I’m fine, Alistair.  Please mind your own business.”


	2. A Weapon

The days on the road were tense.  At first, Tzofi was too wrapped up in shock and grief to do more than dumbly follow behind Duncan.  His nights were spent dreaming of Tamlen.  Sometimes Tamlen was calling to him for help, begging for rescue or release.  Sometimes Tamlen was whispering for Tzofi to join him, to answer the call of the darkness he could feel curled in a corner of his soul.

When he woke, the pull was still there, always in the back of his mind.  It grew weaker with every step they took away from the forest, and every step felt like a betrayal of his lover.  Tamlen would not have left him.  Tamlen would not have given up the search until he had been found.  Tamlen would have never left him alone to be taken away in the first place.  

He may have led Tzofi into trouble on a regular basis, but he had always led him back out.

Tzofi resented Duncan.  In his clearer moments, he realized it was not the rational thing to do.  It was himself he was truly angry with, and the man was offering him a cure for his own illness. But when the pull of his beloved had him ready to turn around and march back to Tamlen’s side and damn the consequences, he could not help but resent the man, the  shemlen , who would not allow it--the stranger who could not understand the ties of clan and would not understand his bond to Tamlen.

After weeks spent in sullen silence on the road, Duncan finally broke angrily into Tzofi’s haze.  “I thought you better than a snivelling child.  Perhaps I should have left you to your fate.”

“Perhaps you should have.” said Tzofi coldly.

“Would you have preferred I leave you to die, or worse to become a ghoul?  Would you have preferred that I leave you to taint your entire clan and destroy them, or force them into killing a child of their own to preserve themselves? For that is what would have happened, make no mistake.” Duncan spat out as he threw the remains of his supper into the fire.

Tzofi met his angry gaze.  “Yes.” he said quietly.

“Do you think I am exaggerating the consequences had I left you there? Are you so proud that you think you know better than both myself and your keeper?”

“Proud?” said Tzofi bitterly, “Certainly not.  I do not doubt that what you say is true.”

“So you would prefer destruction to service? Have you no sense of duty?  Your people are famed for their dedication.  Perhaps the taint is more advanced than I suspected.” he said with disgust.

A long tense silence stretched between them.  Tzofi could feel Duncan’s stare.  He wondered idly if it was better to be considered a murderous coward or a betrayer.  He reached for that place inside himself where he could sense Tamlen and all he felt was despair.  

“He is still alive.” was all he could force around the threatening tears.

“That may be, but I did not lie to you when I told you there was nothing you could do for him.  If the taint has not killed him outright it will change him into a twisted parody of the man he was.”  Duncan moved to kneel in front of Tzofi and his gaze gnetled, “The most you could possibly do for him would be to put him out of his misery; and that would require finding and entering the lair of the darkspawn, exposing you to even more of the taint if you survived at all.  You would share his fate, not save him from it.  You would become a thing that destroys all that you value.”

Tzofi closed his eye against the tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks.  “I do not doubt you, but I owed it to him.   Owe it to him.  How can you speak to me of duty when I have abandoned mine?”

“Do you think he would wish you to share his fate?  Would the man you knew and loved have wanted that for you?”  

Tzofi’s eyes jerked wide at his words.  Had this man figured out what Tamlen was to him?

“Yes, child, I know.  I would have figured it out on my own based solely on your reaction even had your keeper not shared her suspicions with me.  By her accounts, he was a good man and fiercely protective of you.  So tell me, would that man who loved you have wanted you to die alongside him?  Would he have wanted to watch you twist into a tainted shadow of yourself?  Would  you have wanted that for him if you had been the one lost?”

“I...no, but he would have never abandoned me.  Never.  I know that.” 

Tears held in check for so long spilled down his cheeks.  The loss was a fiery live thing, writhing through his soul leaving a blackened expanse filled only with raw pain.  He longed for Tamlen, for those stolen moments in which everything had been right.  He longed for the balance he had felt with Tamlen at his side, the perfect complement: dark and light, strong and dextrous, quiet and loud, cautious and carefree.  Without him, Tzofi was incomplete--a bow with no string, a hilt with no sword--incomplete and useless.

He felt Duncan draw him into a careful hug.  “Oh child, I know what it means to have no choice but to abandon all that matters to you.  You cannot save him, could not have done anything to save him.  Make his sacrifice mean something.  You have already learned the hardest lesson of being a Grey Warden.  We sacrifice everything and stop at nothing to end the danger of the darkspawn.  Put the blame where it belongs and fight them.”

With a gentle pat, Duncan left him to his thoughts and curled up in his own bedroll by the fire.  Tzofi could not, would not, absolve himself of Tamlen’s loss, but he could share the anger and the guilt with the taint.  He could fight them and slaughter them and take out as many of them as he could.  He would use that raging pain as a weapon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bite size chapter again. As soon as I fight through these early chapters, the rest is largely finished.

**Author's Note:**

> Short chapter, but more to come.


End file.
